Scarred Yet Sound: A Bull in a Rat's Nest

As dusk signals the end of another bustling day, just like birds, we seek for a place to nestle— A familiar place, an oasis of warmth, and our exhausted soul's longing space—home.

Despite the overwhelming twists that spice up our day-to-day life, nowhere else, home is the only place to soothe our very being. Knowing that a tasteful meal is waiting for us to savor, while mother prepares the bed with the newly washed bed sheets, the scent of tranquility lulls us to cloud nine. But very often, we tend to overlook these simple luxuries, while those who burn the midnight oil devote every inch of their humanness to experience these simple tastes of life.

Unbearable Sight from his Abandoned Rocking Chair

At some point in our life, we experienced the grief of losing a loved one. It’s as if the world became a tiny space sucking every inch of the air we breathe. This cruel fate has become the reality of a third year working student nestling in the halls of Don Honorio Ventura State University (DHVSU), named Kim Palomar.

Kim shared that after the passing of her grandfather, her uncle began providing for her monthly transportation allowance. But due to other needs, she was forced to work as a housekeeper once a week, earning four hundred to five hundred pesos to provide for her other needs and expenses.

"Nagsimula ako magtrabaho this year lang. Namatay 'yung lolo ko na nagsu-support ng needs ko, kaya napilitan akong maghanap ng extra income.”

She also added that her grandfather forbade her to work before because of the complex and exhausting nature of hustling. After experiencing it firsthand, she realized how complicated it is to survive both worlds.

Burying Her Fragile Twin

Many are tortured yet undeterred—many are on the verge of drowning, yet they manage to keep themselves afloat. Just like how these 'many' survived the overwhelming storms of life, Kim managed to play as her own hero—hustling for the price of her salvation.

She stressed that she is a testament of an ironclad physique. However, despite proving her strength to the world, when most are asleep and the deafening silence screams, weariness and uncertainties keeps her awake—unmasking the fragile side she tries hard to bury.

"To be honest, lagi akong napapaisip. Tapos na naman 'yung araw na 'to, paano na naman bukas? Nakakatakot mag-isip. Nakakapagod pala maging independent person."

The set expectations of people around her is an added torture to the nerve-trembling weight she has to lift. Her relatives are aware that her late-grandfather sent her to school, so they expect her to graduate on time. As the captain of her own ship, she admits that it's a foggy path and sailing alone is her only option. Regardless, she's grateful for the little, huge and in-between blessings she receives.

A Daughter's Plead

Kim is among the million names who dreamt and hoped for a family to rely on. She expressed how resentment runs through her worn-out body every time the term 'family' is brought up on the table. She is bombarded with doubts and worries and was robbed of experiences only a family can offer. During holidays, when everybody, including her parents, are rejoicing, her heart is mourning, questioning how they manage to celebrate despite the struggles they’ve put her and her sibling through.

"Hindi [ko] kinonfront 'yung parents ko about our situation. Yes, mayroon akong hinanakit sa parents ko. Bakit pa sila nag-anak kung hindi din pala nila magagampanan 'yung pagka-parents nila? Bakit hindi ko naranasan since birth maging buo ang pamilya?”

With everything she had to go through, she managed to learn the importance of living independently, because not all the time, someone is available to provide comfort. She realized the need to stand on your own, to master self-reliance, and to not fully depend on your parents because at the end of the day, the only person you can count on is yourself alone.

Just like other similar stories of resilience, her will to continue was tested. With her grandfather as her only source of motivation, she defied the odds.

"To be honest, gustong-gusto ko na mag-quit sa ROTC, pero iniisip ko [na] sayang ang pagod ko, lalo na si lolo na inspiration ko noong pumasok ako ng ROTC, sobrang saya niya. Kasi gustong-gusto niya 'kong maging army o pulis.”

She also stressed how grateful she is for all the lessons she gained from yesterday’s ghosts.

"Hangga’t may nagpapaaral, gawin 'yung best para masuklian lahat ng tulong nila.”

For others, home is not always a familiar place as its absence made them hate its name. It's a hellhole of endless pain and their exhausted soul's extended distress. Thus with the increasing number of broken families along with the shattered souls it produced, Kim's story is a collective plea for healing and for love— it is both the parents and the child's responsibility to reach out to each other; it should go both ways. The world is already a harsh place to live and it's every parent's responsibility to create a secure and restful place for their children where fear, uncertainties and pain won't foster and only a sight of ease dominates. The thought of abandonment alone is scary and no child deserves to experience this pain. No children must be left stranded.